Wednesday, 10 August 2011

Rioting In England

For the last couple of days I’ve been getting messages asking about the riots. There’s the opening “omg are you ok?!” followed by the popular “what’s happening?!” and the ever cynical “I thought you were dead!” Well fine. You want to talk about the riots? Let’s talk about the riots! I ended up with a new television set and found myself a whole shipment of I-Pads. Turns out the shop windows were reinforced against bricks but not against stolen construction equipment.

Ok that’s a bad joke. In truth the riots didn’t affect me in the slightest. The nearest action was at least two hours away from me, and since you could drive from one end of our little island to the other in a single day, two hours travel is an eternity on English soil. The news outlets were quick to brand the rioters as a troublemaking minority (like the last one, and the one before that), but I remain skeptical, especially now that they’re blaming social networking sites (the same social networking sites they praised during the protests in Egypt!) and video games. Apparently Grand Theft Auto IV made thousands of kids take to the streets and start looting. I’ve been playing it myself and have yet to develop any alarming feelings aside from an intense hatred of pigeons.

You want the real reason for the riots? People are angry, so angry that they wish to take it out on something - anything. Youth centres are closing down, wages have flatlined as food and gas prices continue to rise, and benefits are being slashed. I’m not saying its ok to fetch your V for Vendetta mask and overturn some cars, but let's not pretend there isn't a problem here. This might even set our imminent invasion of America back a few weeks.

33 comments:

  1. Move to Belgium. We don't fight. Only our politicians do.

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  2. I'm fairly sure central banks and the Illuminati are behind all of it. ;)

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  3. Bibi – I’m tempted, if only to score me some hot Belgian girls and their famous waffles.

    Timothy – It’s Facebook. Farmville is a terrorist training program!

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  4. not sure the political interpretation holds water, but i agree that there is a larger psychological cause.

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  5. It’s more complicated (it always is) due to our deeply rooted class structure, but I think the jist of it is there.

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  6. You english are a volotile lot. Just dont ship the troublemakers over here ok.

    Seriously, you are right. Such stuff is a reflection on what is happening as a society. Hope it sends the right message to the right people

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  7. DON’T CALL ME VOLATILE, YOU KNOW THAT MAKES ME ANGRY!!1!

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  8. It's only a matter of time before those games rot your brain and you take to the streets with a shotgun looking for zombies to kill, pipes to disappear down, hookers to kill with bats, tanks to destroy cars, etc. Didn't you know they destroy your perception of reality. Ugh...idiots placing blame everywhere but where it belongs.

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  9. Can't we all just get along? *skips through a field of flowers with my rainbow colored unicorn*

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  10. Jewels – How do I know you’re real?

    Syazzies – I’ve often wondered what would happen if I had died. How would the Blogverse know? In preparation for such an eventuality I have left instructions to be delivered to you by an anonymous courier. These instructions will lead you to a London bus station where a man with a 70s porn mustache awaits the code phrase “Thundercats are on the move” to which he will reply “Thundercats are loose” and then give you a number to a locker at Heathrow airport. If he does not respond with the correct phrase, you have approached the wrong man and should promptly leave before he rapes you. Inside the locker you’ll find my last will and testament, a picture of me in a Noddy costume, and a map to the lost treasure of the Knights Templar. Godspeed.

    Random Girl – Maybe, but it sounds very boring.

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  11. I play Assassin's Creed and have yet to assassinate a corrupted government official.

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  12. I am glad you personally are fine, but I kind of wish you weren't just so I could get involved in the epic adventure you just described for Syazzies. You had me at 70s porn mustache.

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  13. I've always thought that those Farmville people were a little suspect. I don't think you really want America, you look at all of the debt you'll have to absorb.

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  14. Glad your ok man. A pigeon actually pooped right on Jax's stroller the other day. No joke. I would like to join your "Pigeons Suck Club." MmmmmmmK?!

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  15. Beer – And not for lack of corrupted officials to choose from.

    Heidi – Which reminds me, Heidi, I may need you to go to London and stand at a bus station wearing a 70s porn mustache at short notice. Plans within plans. :)

    George – Farmville is the devil.

    Melanie – Welcome to the resistance. Our pigeon overlords have pushed us around long enough.

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  16. 'tis all very strange. I don't understand the mentality. It started as a protest to something but then the others just saw an opportunity to steal stuff on mass. Now it just looks like a game.

    It's also strange that I just said 'tis.

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  17. Farville is the cause of it all. I totally agree.

    They're all growing pot and selling it on Mafia Wars.

    Seriously, it's all fun and games until someone steals a tractor.

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  18. Not knowing exactly where you live, I have to admit that I was a little concerned. I'm glad you're okay and that these riots aren't having a negative affect on you or your life. The world is an incredibly fucked up place right now and I understand the anger, because I feel it, too. I know America and England's situations aren't exactly the same, but there are plenty of things to lose your shit about over here... The world is going to hell in a hand basket and it's really a surprise that there aren't more uprisings than there are... A lovely Thursday for you, Drake! <3 <3 <3 *

    +Rei Bathory+

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  19. So is this just the beginning? Because the world is supposed to end next May.

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  20. I think I'd like to be in a riot just to film. I'd wear gear like a helmet, long durable sleeved shirt, one of those white masks, and googles.

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  21. Hey, would you mind being my personal Paul Revere for said imminent invasion? Thanks!

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  22. Chris – It’s difficult understanding the kind of people whose normal routine consists of hanging round shop entrances and harassing the elderly

    Rei – I burst out laughing with your insistence to add “a lovely Thursday to you!” at the end a depressing comment like that. :P

    J Day – If the world doesn’t end next May, I’ll have to modify my blog description.

    Mama Pajamas – All subscribers will be taken to the safety of a secret bunker prior to the attack.

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  23. Roit's were only a few minutes from me. (enfield/watford)
    The only reason they are rioting is to get free stuff.
    A lot of the people rioting are too young to even be effected by the cuts, tax rises or benefits. e.g. that 11 year old that was arrested and charged.
    The parents need to be held to account too.

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  24. We have cultivated a benefit society and are paying for it as legions of chavs from the estates claim the streets. They have no prospects, and thanks to a lack of parenting they have no conscience either. I wish there were a cultural reset button for emergency situations such as this. Apart from genocide of course.

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  25. Or die in the adventure, be my helps, Following!

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  26. Wait -- the world was supposed to have ended in May but then I thought it got pushed out to October? Something about the end-of-the-world being more convenient then?

    Pearl

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  27. I'm glad this hasn't affected you. I work in one of the affected cities and it was a mess! We were told to leave early several days following police advice to evacuate the city centre and a couple of my colleagues were greeted with a gang of lads carrying hammers and baseball bats on their way home one night. It was chaos! I just wish they could have been intelligent enough to figure out a peaceful way to voice their opinions.

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  28. I KNEW you guys were planning something against America soon...

    Glad to hear you're not in the midst of this Drake.

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  29. Wait, so you mean it wasn't because of video games??? Always amuses me when they use that excuse. Like it has nothing to do with big business fucking people over. No, it's Nintendo's fault.

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  30. I'm really glad you are okay. With the way the riots are portrayed on the news, you would think the UK is collapsing. The news is not my favorite thing to watch--everything is so dire.

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  31. Just so I'm clear, when you unleash the Bean, will he be, um, you know, claiming the women as part of his pillaging process?

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