Five Epic Pairs of Blogspot Breasts

A few months ago a blogger whose gender is highly debatable invented the ‘Nice Rack’ award (feel free to correct me) which forwent the usual condition of requesting uninteresting personal information like your mother’s sister’s cat’s name, in favour of something the rest of us would actually be interested in – a picture of your funbags. I collected these results and studied them most vigorously (anything for science). Several generous helpings of KY jelly later, I emerged from a room that is now sorely in need of some new wallpaper to compile this ultimate top five list.

Rita roundly whips the competition wearing fruity lingerie which is eye-gouging or alluring depending on who you ask (hint: it’s both). Those cups barely contain her magnificence. The way she holds her instrument of pain is enough to make any man involuntarily bend over on her command, and the chain around her neck cheekily sneaks under her bra like a Japanese tentacle monster.

Well colour me impressed! Mrs Hyde’s (every man in the room collectively groaned in dismay at the Mrs bit) orbs are practically spilling out in this picture. By the looks of it she’s in a public area too. Some points are lost for the questionable picture quality noticeable on the full sized version, but she more than makes up for these minor discrepancies by being… what’s the word I’m looking for here? Ah yes, black. She’s very black.

They say everything in Australia can kill you, and looking at Mynx’s perfect spherical balls of deadliness, I can believe it. Her chest is like a Venus Flytrap ready to swallow up the face or manhood of any foolish enough to enter. And the size! My god, don’t you just love breasts with their own gravitational pull? Now I’m not saying bigger is better, but…

No wait, that’s exactly what I’m saying.

Nobody can claim I’m not an equal opportunist. Here Bruce’s glorious young moobs are bare for all to see. For obvious reasons his nickname in high school was Chewbacca, don’t say that to his face though, or he’ll pull your arms out of your sockets. Smearing nacho sauce on his hairy chest is just nature’s way of telling him to trap those food particles that’ll nourish him for the coming winter. His face is in the shot too; however all we can divulge is that his mouth is smeared in some kind of suspicious custardy substance.

If you look really closely at the lacy outfit Random Girl’s wearing, you might fancy you’ve spotted a nipple. I’m here to tell you it’s just your imagination and you’re a pervert. Random Girl appears to be lying across what I’m assuming to be soft black bed sheets, lending her extra style points when combined with her attire. It’s certainly much sexier than my Hulk Hogan motif.

A final note to all those who aren’t on the list: It’s likely I never saw your entry or you were never given the original award. Or maybe you’re just hideous? There were also a few *cough* Jewels *cough* entries who had stunning breasts but weren’t mentioned because the picture they used for the Nice Rack award was about as revealing as a lead-lined sweater.